3.31.2009

I'D BE HAPPIER WITH THE PROFANITY



I'm a human being and therefore am tormented by untamable greed. So naturally I caught myself casually contemplating ad placement here on HooM! I've drugged away my conscience so the only roadblock to sweet, ill-gotten financial gains would be HooM!'s use of pervasive and virulent profanity; I guess advertisers don't want money from people who don't deny the existence of foul language and/or are (gasp) entertained by straight, honest, and colorful talk. After all, syntax shouldn't matter -- it's the sentiment that counts. 

So if you say that the guys in a certain band are a bunch of tampon-chomping fuckknobs for invading the increasingly corporate South By Southwest festival (video above, Dane Cook on vocals) to promote their johnny-come-lately video game, you'd best say it using terms that don't offend potential customers of vaunted establishments like Domino's Pizza and Fling.com. 

Or if, say, you wanted to point out how that band's new video is a pathetic attempt at being real and modern, it'd taint the spirit of commerce to suggest the ex-band go get fucked by a pair of meth-addled brown bears. Even if you thought it was endlessly insulting and hurtful of said band to invite a former bandmate to be publicly humiliated by the band's success at the Rock And Roll Hall of Fame induction ceremony, you'd have to call them a bunch of meanies, not mindless christfucking bastards. That is, if you wanted to say all those things. Just throwing that out there. USA! USA! USA!


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