Like most Metal people, I spent my late teens/early 20s at awful jobs and in shitty apartments. Though I kinda was in the shit, those times were still happy cuz i'll be goddamed some righteous people went out of their way to party with me. That was a surprise for someone usually regarded by even the warmest of people as slightly more appealing than a bag of hot barf.
Yeah anyway, it's in this context that I smilingly remember my pal Ian. We were standing around at work, idly taking turns examining the most vulgar, cringe-inducing lyrics we'd ever heard. I offered "Don't Get Mad, Get Even" from Aerosmith's Pump. Puzzled, he asked what was so dirty. I pointed to the final verse, where Steven Tyler details some back alley backdoor action in the most infantile and crass of terms:
You've been shacking up with LucyAnd when the morning comesYou meet Sally in the alleyAnd the junk is in the buns
What started as a series of repressed guffaws ended with Ian collapsing to one knee in hysterics. No dude, he finally managed with a hand on one hip and the other massaging his brow. "It's 'You meet Sally in the alley/With the junkies and the bums.'" Huh. I'd always wondered why Tyler stretched so far for that rhyme. Well there's my answer, fishbulb. Thanks Ian.
Anyway of the many things Ian did for me, he touted the genius of his favorite band Monster Magnet, at the time hot shit with "Space Lord" from 1998's Powertrip. Though I liked the shit, Dave Wyndorf & Co.'s genius didn't reveal itself to me til last month after some computer rudely insisted that if I so liked Torche's Meanderthal and Enslaved's Vertebrae, then I might dig MM's Dopes To Infinity. Remembering Ian, I rocked Dopes at top volume, apologized to the computer, and distractedly picked up the shards of my blown mind all goddamn week. Like with the Aerosmith lyrics, I missed the point for a fucking decade but thanks to Ian, I'm on track now. Monster Magnet rules. Now, look to your orb for the warning.
