ASSHOLES OUT OF VOIVOD

So New Orleans native/grumbling retard/enemy of Metal Phil Anselmo is awesome at tarnishing good shit, from the crackling crunch metal of Exhorder (Slaughter In The Vatican holler) to onetime tourmates Morbid Angel to well to pretty much everything with which he is even nominally connected. And it goes without saying that his ego problems toppled Pantera, as his grouchy crybaby routine didn't garner adulation with the same intensity as the bright, smily, huggable Abbott brothers. Which threatened his pwecious widdle self-worf. He's too foul to even bitch about, an unreachable jackass on whom your breath would be wasted. A drunk college girl who both wants to go home and to the taco stand and who at last simply vomits down the front of her dress.

We're detouring into unworkable metaphor here, but the point is Anselmo has irrevokably tainted Voivod's "Nothingface" after the asinine fathead joined history's most interesting band on stage somewhere in Canada last week. I'd put the clip up there but y'know come on let's not foul Voivod any further.

VINNIE PAUL MAKES A GOOD POINT

Goddamn I tell you hhwhat Vinnie Paul is fucking nice as shit. I didn't get a killer black carpet spot at the Revolver Golden Grahams Awards (unlike some big shots with pfft cameras and pssh microphones), but all the same, Vinnie ambled down to have a lively chat like a righteous cat. Dime was murdered, and Vinnie suffered only a slightly better fate, alive and well but chained to the ghost of his bandmate, partner, best friend, and brother. We love you Vinnie. 

That VP was so fit to rap is an astounding feat for someone recently quizzed by a lot of really Red Bulled guys with wack questions (above, e.g.). I suppressed a shudder when he admitted to being a golfer, but he pulled me right back with the hilarious theme hole ideas. (I have a suggestion for the Judass Priest hole.) That shit wasn't ad libbed was it, So either he's serious about this Rock N' Roll Country Club (all rights reserved HooM! 2009) or he's doing material. Either way huuuggggggsssssss.  

Join the embrace. Read the MetalSucks recap of the Revolver Epiphone Honda Fury Golden Gods awards brought to you by MySpace Music, MTV2, Affliction Clothing, Sinful Clothing, Sirius/XM, Century Media Records, Roadrunner Records, Prosthetic Records, E1 Entertainment, Nuclear Blast, Snap Jack, Guitar World, Metal Hammer and Peavey.

I MAY BE AN IDIOT

I kinda got yelled at for defending the actions of Kyle Drinkwine, Wisconsin's Karaoke Clobberer. But but but The Smoking Gun's version of the events gives the impression that Drinkwine was defending Metal from its abusers, in this case a couple of chuckleheads butchering Dio's "Holy Diver." But after a fresh look at the report and Drinkwine's telling mugshot, it began to dawn that TSG's account is misleading and that Drinkwine might've been the aggressor in a very un-Metal, downright jockish attack. (It seems that a few dozen Blabbermouth commenters -- true, not exactly a Metal think tank -- had come to the same erroneous conclusion I did.) 

Anyway, I'll set the stage for another reversal/correction by saying FUCK Kyle Drinkwine and his awesome name. But if this whole thing goes to illustrate my idiocy and that of Drinkwine, we're still mere pretenders to the grand throne of fuckheadery belonging to Jerry Montano, mega-idiot. When not playing on roundly ignored records (Nothingface, The Deadlights, Danzig, HellYeah!) or making drunken gun threats toward Vinnie Paul, Montano has taken to getting his ass kicked by half-ass pop-country dicklesses. Ugh. From TMZ:

Montano (ass-kickee) is suing the chaps off John Rich (ass-kicker) for that October beatdown in Rich's room at the Mondrian Hotel in L.A. 

In the lawsuit, filed Monday in L.A. County Superior Court, Jerry claims that before the violence, he was warned by Rich's business manager that the star often became "extremely violent when drunk" -- but decided to go back to [Rich]'s hotel room anyway. While in the room, Jerry claims Rich became "increasingly violent and belligerent" over a girl. 

Now Jerry is suing for an undetermined amount for costs related to the "cuts, scrapes, permanent scarring, swelling, and bruising to his lips, jaw, face, teeth and nose." Montano told us last month that he wasn't going to press charges -- but Jerry didn't tell us he wasn't gonna charge for it.

What the fuck is Montano doing in John Rich's hotel room? They should settle this with a grenade battle to maximize fatalities. Because they should all die. By grenade.