WHAT SHAW'S GOT S'GOT A HOLD ON KING

The headline was almost Divine Vindication instead of the above lyric (modified slightly for maximum confusion) from the Damn Yankees classic "Coming Of Age" (above, pastel as hell on Letterman). See Coming has two meanings heh heh heh o! those incorrigible rakes Tommy Shaw and Jack Blades. Anyway back to the weak play on the title of Slayer's least interesting record: Though twice now I've participated in spontaneous D'Yankees singalongs, I still get a ton of shit about the awful in concept/pretty stupendous in practice supergroup and I don't endanger my credibility further by arguing. Some people are just too snooty to enjoy stupid awesome shit like a band with the best parts of two awful bands and retard Ted Nugent. But like me, Slayer's Kerry King is not one of those people. Shit King's a bona fide Tommy Shaw enthusiast! Does he have weird dreams of Shaw-Shelly Long three-ways too? I mean cough from the August Decibel:

King is a huge Tommy Shaw fan. "Shit yeah, man -- Styx, Damn Yankees. That motherfucker sings like a bird. I'm a big Eagles fan, too, but you can't not be an Eagles fan."

Uh I hope King is referring to Philadelphia's football squadron because holy lord the band fucking sucks ASS. Therefore I find it effortless to not be a fan of those pretentious wheezebags. Yeah as of this writing I'm upgrading Don Henley to Enemy of Metal status. Yep ya subscribe to Decibel for a few laughs and it all ends in death threats.

GODDAMN MOTHERFUCKING YANKEES

My therapists and attorneys tell me that the first step on the road to contentment is honesty. So alright I admit it: I like Damn Yankees. Mostly, I like DYank frontman Jack Blades, pop songwriting assassin/total nancy. They're all major lamewads, not least of all Tommy Shaw (S'Dicks) and Ted Nugent (draft dodger, racist, selective amnesiac, moron).  And though Damn Yankees was marketed as a hard rock supergroup, they're about as heavy as Toto, but with measurably better hair. 

But don't front, Metal people: "High Enough" is beautiful garbage and "Coming of Age," the real culprit of my latent Damn Yankeesism, loops in my head for entire weeks every year thanks to daily mentions of Japan's young, nubile 20-year old girls and their January rite-of-passage ceremonies. And I'll be goddamned if DY don't absolutely rip live, here on non-single/radio favorite "Come Again" (at 1:29 above, nice fucking shorts, Shaw). Sorry about that Toto remark. Nuge looks high.