GAAHL, JOHANNES KRAUSER II NAUGHTY BUT NICE

Ugh so my piece-of-shit DVD player is fucked (thanks a lot, Team America: World Police) and life sucks without it. Example: I finally got my hands on Get Thrashed, the thrilling Thrash Metal documentary produced by ex-Overkill drummer Rat Skates. And while the nostalgia-pumping interviews* and live clips screamed over my stereo, the visuals were bound by my puny computer screen. Did Bobby Gustafson blimp up a bit? Is Araya totally baked? Can Corey Taylor be a bigger tampon? It's hard to tell. My elbows hurt.

Anyway without our painstakingly assembled library of revenge-fantasy movies and argument-based television, we at HooM! have looked elsewhere for sit-and-stare entertainment. Luckily, VBS.tv came to the rescue with their killer True Norwegian Black Metal documentary (above, thanks Metal Injection), featuring gay homosexual Gaahl. 

Oddly, the contrast between gentle, pillow-nibbling Gaahl and the torturing, Black Metal Gaahl is mirrored in the fabulously entertaining import Detroit Metal City (episode 1 below). DMC, which started out in B5 comics/boobs weekly Young Animal**, follows Souichi Negishi, who aspires to Abba-esque pop mega-stardom while excelling in secret at very unmainstream death Metal as Johannes Krauser II. This summer's live action feature adaptation looked pretty good, too. Happy Metal viewing!

* Get Thrashed drinking game: Drink every time an interviewee's comments cause an on-screen eye-roll; two drinks per outburst of spine-jolting laughter from Blitz; three drinks per utterance of the term "poser"

** Young Jump rules

"BLACK METAL UP YOUR ASS"

Hey see what I did there? I put "  " around somebody's words so that I'm covered as I steal them. (Don't hate the player, hate the game, MetalSucks commenter Horns High.) Moving right along everybody's all atwitter as Rock Hard Magazine (giggle) of Germany (giggle giggle) has published an interview in which Gorgoroth's Gaahl comes out as a very content gay homosexual (giggle giggle giggle). Dudes rush to point out that Gaahl doesn't officially chant slogans of gayness, but one senses that it's because your black metallist doesn't do labels -- and not on account of any dearth of gayness. Ahem.

At any rate. That shit warms my heart. Throughout the interview, Gaahl is thoughtful, measured, and really damn happy. Via Blabbermouth:

My idea of art, and black metal especially, is the depiction of honesty without compromise. I really don't care how other people react to it or the feelings it might provoke. I am I. I'm an individualist.

Sounds as if you've gotten rid of a lot of muck in your life.

Yeah, you could say that. I'm content all around with my situation right now. I love life at the moment.

Would you say you're a happy person?

Oh yes, most definitely.

It's got to feel great: You are free and no longer have anything to hide. 

That's right. But I've never really hidden anything to begin with. It's just that I was never in love before.

Equally heart-warming is the MetalSucks (giggle) commenter community's reaction, by and large cuddly, jokey, and lovey about the big gay Gaahl news. And naturally Axl, Vince, and the other (undoubtably shirtless) guys run such a tight, puckered ship that their advertising picks up the bajillion occurrences of the word 'gay' and plugs ad content featuring gay trips to Sydney's gay Mardi Gras (above). Good days people. The human spirit is indomitable and will not submit to oppression. LIVE GAY!!