"BLACK METAL UP YOUR ASS"

Hey see what I did there? I put "  " around somebody's words so that I'm covered as I steal them. (Don't hate the player, hate the game, MetalSucks commenter Horns High.) Moving right along everybody's all atwitter as Rock Hard Magazine (giggle) of Germany (giggle giggle) has published an interview in which Gorgoroth's Gaahl comes out as a very content gay homosexual (giggle giggle giggle). Dudes rush to point out that Gaahl doesn't officially chant slogans of gayness, but one senses that it's because your black metallist doesn't do labels -- and not on account of any dearth of gayness. Ahem.

At any rate. That shit warms my heart. Throughout the interview, Gaahl is thoughtful, measured, and really damn happy. Via Blabbermouth:

My idea of art, and black metal especially, is the depiction of honesty without compromise. I really don't care how other people react to it or the feelings it might provoke. I am I. I'm an individualist.

Sounds as if you've gotten rid of a lot of muck in your life.

Yeah, you could say that. I'm content all around with my situation right now. I love life at the moment.

Would you say you're a happy person?

Oh yes, most definitely.

It's got to feel great: You are free and no longer have anything to hide. 

That's right. But I've never really hidden anything to begin with. It's just that I was never in love before.

Equally heart-warming is the MetalSucks (giggle) commenter community's reaction, by and large cuddly, jokey, and lovey about the big gay Gaahl news. And naturally Axl, Vince, and the other (undoubtably shirtless) guys run such a tight, puckered ship that their advertising picks up the bajillion occurrences of the word 'gay' and plugs ad content featuring gay trips to Sydney's gay Mardi Gras (above). Good days people. The human spirit is indomitable and will not submit to oppression. LIVE GAY!! 

 

Holy Shit: Gorgoroth's Gaahl Is Fruity!

There was a time when TV didn't go near skateboarding, save for the occasional news segment decrying the culture's disregard for public property and sweetly menacing attitude towards authority; these days, I revel in the glory of listening to my friends bitch every time a commercial for diapers or fruit snacks features some heavily be-padded suburbanite awkwardly posing with a skateboard. Metal's too gross and hateful to get that far, but it's awesome that there are fucking three feature-length Metal movies on the radar. Nuuuge! 

More on those later; as it relates to the subject at hand (the Metal world brought to full flame by hilarious black metal gayness), let it be known that in the terrific 2005 doc Metal: A Headbanger's Journey, the measured tones of mega-satanist Gaahl of black metallists Gorgoroth instilled in me that buzzy combination of respect, fear, and desire to mock. As of today, scratch those last two off the list and replace with "cheer" and "desire to cuddle." From Blabbermouth:

On stage with Gorgoroth, Gaahl is the very definition of a mother-in-law's nightmare.

The long-haired, evil-looking man with corpse paint scares the hell out of the parent generation, while fans all over the world love and admire his terrifying masculinity.

Together with modeling agent Dan DeVero, however, he displays far more feminine sides.

The musician dressed in black and the fur-wearing modeling agent are behind the clothing collection Wynjo, which will launch in 2009.

The two men became very close friends after they met a year and a half ago.

"We had hired models from DXD Models for a music video. During the shoot, Dan suddenly appeared and became upset with us because one of his models had been served wine. That was the first time I met him," says Gaahl, or Kristian Espedal, which is his real name.

DeVero's rage, however, quickly turned to warmer feelings.

"Kristian and I developed a close relationship, and he often told me he had strong feelings for me," DeVero tells iBergen.no while Espedal silently drinks from his glass of wine.

A year and a half later they are no longer swooning, but they are still partners. Thanks to their unlikely meeting in 2006, they've put their heads and wallets together to launch something as unique as as a wholly Norwegian clothing collection for women.

So nowhere does it state that Gaahl is according-to-Hoyle gay, but he is unveiling a line of dresses with a well-groomed young fashion industry stud, for whom he has ahem "strong feelings." Yeah. So.