SAVING FACELESS, KICKING ARSIS

I wish life came with built-in Benny Hill sound effects cuz a giant boioioioing would've sounded this morning as I peeped the just-announced The Faceless/Arsis/Misery Index/um Tony Danza Tap Dance Extravaganza tour. The awesome but limited run of dates kicks off Feb 21. Where the hell is Lancaster California?  

Anyway, that would've been followed by a Studebaker car horn ah-woo-gah after seeing the roster for the Third Annual California Metal Fest on March 28: Carcass, Suffocation, The Faceless, Arsis, Samael, and more. Carcass! [Horn fanfare] The whole shebangle goes down in Anaheim at The Grove, which is not Disney-owned, so expect no wingnut bans like the House of Whites um that is House of Blues removal of The Faceless from the Meshuggah/Cynic bill on February 1. [Flower wilt slide-whistle] Still, it's a good time to be METAL.

THE HOOM! YEAR IN METAL: A MEASURE OF TREASON

10 MISERY INDEX * TRAITORS (Relapse)

Until this summer, I didn't even realize Misery Index and Misery Signals were two different bands. You scan screen after screen of Metal news and eventually bands run together, especially two phonetically similar and eminently confusable names like these. But rest assured, Misery Index is not lame machocore from the Midwest; MI's misery refers to socio-economic suffering, not an achy-breaky heart. OK, so they are a bit macho, but that's just American death metal -- especially American death metal from the same city as (and formed by ex-members of) Dying Fetus. Whatever. There's little to dislike about MI's masterful Traitors, including the Baltimore quartet's anarcho-punk politics that infuse the record with an anger that only threatens to descend into goofy chest-beating. If humanist outrage bothers you, go listen to Godsmack. Go on. You've been revoked.

I remember listening to Traitors one sunny morning, and, in a minor display of laziness, lowering the volume slightly to play the then-breaking video of Dallas Mavericks forward Josh Howard ahem refusing to participate in a recitation of the national anthem. Well, it was a bit of serendipity to match the two media -- shit with the aid of a time machine, I'd somehow add the clip to the title track. Maybe Howard and MIndex could get together for a track called "Obama '08 An' All That Shit" track for the forthcoming Judgement Night 2 soundtrack. Just kidding.

But seriously, Traitors has its moments of unoriginality ("Ghosts of Catalonia" cribs briefly from Mastodon's "Crystal Skull"), and though catchy as fuck, riffage does careen into low-risk grindisms often enough to frustrate. Thusly, Misery Index's next project is dynamics; only "Thrown Into The Sun" downshifts into spacious and melodic mid-tempo groove -- to brilliant effect despite the laugher of a title -- which sets up the harrowing finale "Black Sites." 2008 was a very adventurous year for Metal, as prog-leaning bands suddenly seemed not all that dorky next to proliferate viking metal and D&Dcore. So the time is right for Misery Index to inject some color into the black-and-white world of Traitors.

MISERY INDEX, JOSH HOWARD: REAL AMERICAN HEROES

I'm a regular guy and as such I attend sports events, though my ejection ratio is about 3:1. It usually starts when people direct dirty looks (if they're pussies) and verbal abuse (if they're drunk pussies) in my direction when I opt not to stand at attention during the national anthem. Mostly it's laziness, but when pressed I usually remark that no where in the constitution do America's founding fathers state that basketball fans are required to screech some unsingable dirge en masse, a ritual imposed on us by business owners, not our elected representatives. Turns out some basketball players feel the same way, as Dallas Mavericks forward Josh Howard illustrates below.

Oh my. First he outs every pot-smoking NBA player to ESPN radio, then gets a collar for driving a car really fast, and now he publicly expresses disdain for rituals of symbolic obedience to his nation's government. (Why pay tribute to America at a charity event? Charity wouldn't even be necessary if America were as awesome as depicted in "The Star Spangled Banner.") Clearly, this guy is out of control. Everybody knows America rocks. Especially Texas. We better track down the white guy in charge of Howard for reassurance. Or we could just lynch him verbally via chickenshit comments on the anonymous internet. Or we could settle in the knowledge that Howard has his own views and the right to express them to camera phones. Just like my right to proclaim Misery Index's new record, Traitors, is full of potential national anthems. (Listen to all of it now.) These are songs to stand up and take your hat off to. Meet Josh and I halfway, America.