MUNICIPAL WAY STUPENDOUS

I'm kinda stuck in the past but it's impossible to overlook the wave, if you will, of brilliant Metal in just America alone. Ironically, this new Metal sounds old and reminds me of the days when I was too young to notice that the world is a well-used toilet. Like Warbringer, whose drums belong to the 21st century but elsewhere is firmly rooted in pre-Titan thrash. Their Waking Into Nightmares rules my mornings -- my good morning to Los Angeles is "Born! With! The soul! Of a LIAAARR!" -- and Mantic Ritual's Executioner my nights. But the scant moments when I'm not rocking neo-Thrash are now threatened by Municipal Waste's superb, delicious Massive Aggressive, in which I'm balls deep. In general, my worship of the quartet of D.R.I. devotees has gone from casual to freaky, though for some reason I take personal offense to Burnt By The Sun, whose drummer is also in MWaste. And this fact was unknown to me when I'd already begun to bemoan his performance on Massgressive. (top heavy beats, drums don't sound big enough, more fills please, would it kill ya to choke a crash cymbal dude?). Somebody get Sid Falck in this band stat.

NOW YOU'RE JUST BEING DIFFICULT

I understand that Slayer guitarist Kerry King feels it's necessary to wrestle attention away from at least two outlandish uber-bimbos (Ulrich, Mustaine) whose antics distract from the band's forthcoming record World Painted Blood, but his claims lately have been alternately hateful and far-fetched. Why just the other day he told somebody at Metal Hammer:

I don't know Lars that well and I haven't heard it from Lars, but apparently he's talking to somebody about maybe us, Metallica, Megadeth, I think he even threw in Anthrax and I said in this day and age, I know we had that time together, but how do you leave out Machine Head? There's better options than Anthrax and that's nothing against Anthrax, but they've just been in pieces for quite some time and that doesn't make as much sense to me.

OK wow Kerry you're kinda all over the place. First, a magical, imaginary tour with Metallica headlining over Slayer, Megadeth, and Anthrax? Um I guess it's possible, like say if Lars is looking to consolidate his power and exploit the ongoing Thrash Metal renaissance. Could happen. Oh but you'd have to promise Mustaine all sorts of ridiculous shit, like a coffee roaster and strategic No-Lars Zones. Anyway, then you have bewildering praise for Machine Head; that just sounds like four vicodins and a Red Bull talking. OK, he's right about the Nonthrax line-up issues, but Machine Head's best is way more depressing than Anthrax at their very worst. And I've seen both so yeah trust me. And lastly, dude, is Testament a figment of my fucking imagination? I thought we all agree that it should've been the Big Five. Fuck it. Remember that Headbanger's Ball tour with Anthrax, Helloween, and Exodus in like 1989? Well, HooM! could steal that idea for Testament, Cynic, and Municipal Waste and none of you fuckers are invited.

HipsterWatch: MUNICIPAL WASTE

I haven't heard Municipal Waste because jerks like myself don't do shit until we have to; maybe a rave review from a trusted writer catches my eye or I pass out next to speakers blasting the record into my brain. Orrrrr a member of your band hangs out with percusso-aliencore band Boredoms at their insane bi-coastal drum circle crackathon freakout from the fourth dimension. From Blabbermouth:

Municipal Waste's Dave Witte has been selected as one of 88 drummers who will participate in the Brooklyn portion of 88BoaDrum.

Conceived by the Japanese psych-noise group Boredoms, 88BoaDrum is an original 88-minute composition that will be performed by 88 drummers in Los Angeles and Brooklyn on August 8, 2008 (8/8/08).

Peruse the full list and you'll see lotsa hipster drummers (if you're both a hipster and a drummer, that's like being a rapist with awful breath). Some highlights: Just kidding. No highlights, just dorks temporarily rendered cool by Yamatsuka Eye, Yoshimi P-We and crew. What, is the chick from Lolita #18 busy? They coulda gotten Gene Hoglan or Pete Sandoval. Remember Boredoms' Super AE album? That was awesome.