It's obvious that we all love Metal Insider for their concise analysis of current events and industry trends. MI displays an unsightly maturity unseen in most Metal media, for example in a recent piece about the CD format at age 27. The article demands that they reference a bunch of suckass records -- each a benchmark in CD history -- which MI kindly resists excercising their journalistic right to mercilessly belittle. Billy Joel? Seriously? That guy can shampoo my crotch.

But MI closes with feel-good nostalgia thanks to which I remember my first CD; it was Rust in Peace in the longbox and I'm very proud of that. The first ever loaded and played is ...And Justice For All, and if this seems too convenient that my virginal experiences with CD involve these high-watermarks of Thrash and not Poison or worse, first of all, I think your attitude sucks. And if my memory were a fucking liar, it sooo would've rewritten history regarding the first CD I ever heard: The Bangles' Different Light. Shit. It was over pancakes at Cory's house with his hip divorcé dad and his generously beknockered sisters. It was my first up-close look at an indecipherable intellectual and untamed/incidental boobage, respectively. But that day I was more impressed with this comparitively sleek, uber-precise CD player thing; to illustrate how cool Cory's dad was, I'll explain that he had books everywhere, wrote books himself, made a living as a college professor, edited a terrifying literary journal, and owned the first CD player I ever laid eyes on. Oh and though he spent what $2800 on the fucker, his daughters (the eldest and beautiful) ruled over the owner and his sons (Beastie Boys fans). And hence, the Bangles breakfast. That story's quite sweaty but honestly, just hum a few bars of the the title track and I smell syrup and feel a tingle in my junk.

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