MY HERO!

Weeks ago, I was dozing on my balcony only to once again be rudely awaken by high-pitched revving of a neighbor's crotch rocket. It seems likely that dude has been having technical problems cuz no day would pass without his daily constitutional out to the parking lot to exercise the valves or something. I've yet to see him ride it, but my quality of life levels have dipped thanks to this regular screeching, but vengeance is mine cuz on that particular afternoon, I half-watched as a bird quietly deposited a globule of poo onto the exhaust-belching douchebike. The dude, who tucks cabana shirts into tight jean shorts, immediately raised a forearm and groaned; he'd been struck as well! Sweet, sweet justice!

As of today, that bird has been joined in the HooM! Hall of Horns! by Noisecreep scribe Carlos Ramirez, who inadvertently backed me up by roundly denouncing half-ass Anvil fever in a recent Reign In Blonde interview. It does feel shitty to indirectly precipitate all over Anvil's day in the sun, but once that day stretched to a year (and, it would seem, beyond), the act of kinking the hose of this media deluge became an inevitability if not obligation. And yet it wasn't without trepidation that we at HooM! yesterday examined the fallacy of Anvil, cuz Lips and Robb are likable rockers. But as Carlos points out, so are the dudes from (gulp) Tora Tora and (shudder) Royal Hunt. But those bands, nor House of Lords, Babylon A.D., Dangerous Toys, ad infinitum have no comparably cuddly backstory to highlight, and hence the reason for Anvil's um resurgence. And though Ramirez writes for the iffy AOL loud rock site, he's unafraid to crap on VH1's efforts to foist these sub-mediocre rockers on lonely, nostalgic fans looking for a sad-eyed puppy to love. Forget about that shit. Here comes Fastway!