The Human Race To Metallica: 'Stay Out Of Riverdale!'

What's louder these days?
(a) Metallica's raging noise machine for their untitled, unfinished forthcoming album
(b) the backlash to Metallica drummer/RIAA slut Lars Ulrich's anti-Napster shenanigans
(c) Ulrich's frenzied backpeddling/shameless aping of Radiohead and Nine Inch Nails' listener-direct sales thing
(d) Metallica guitarist Kirk Hammett's gayness
(e) The agonized screams of Metallica frontman James Hetfield's soul

Answer: (b) by a wang hair

Some area dicklesses recently insisted that I'm "too hyard un Beshmallica." [That's how Metalli-nutsack-garglers talk after a couple mojitos.] Oh, am I? From Wired Magazine's Listening Post blog:

In May of 2000, when Lars Ulrich personally delivered a 60,000-page printout of the Napster users who were sharing Metallica, he probably never suspected that the online backlash against his band would still be running at full steam eight years later.

"Wow, [with new interactive promo site, MissionMetallica.com,] you're looking into using the Internet," wrote [Wired reader] Lewis Salem. "Good for you, Lars. When you got up and demonized Shawn Fanning, you made a complete ass of yourself. How pompous." 

[Wired reader] Danijel followed ... with "Stay off the internet, Napster-killing pieces of shit hypocrites."

And to loosely paraphrase the other bajillion comments: "I am going to illegally download the new album, burn nine copies, and throw them down a well. Eat shit, Lars, you dingleberry."

You may be saying to yourself, "Hey, those Wired nerds wouldn't buy Metallica shit anyway." Way to go, Captain Sherlock. That's the point: Though Metallica's diehard fanbase has been whittled down to seven, it's toxic that they'll be gaining no new customers listeners. Haw haw!  

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