Look, Revolver is a wack 'lifestyle' non-magazine but I've always been loathe to gripe. After all, their launch party provided the backdrop -- and free booze -- for possibly the weirdest, drunkest night I've ever had. Had there been a camera trained on me that night, the resulting movie would've landed somewhere between Arthur 2: On The Rocks, that Seinfeld with Kramer traversing Manhattan in search of a bathroom, and the projectile vomit scene in Stand By Me. With more fire. Thank you Tom Beaujour and Revolver Magazine. And Maggie Wang and Maria Rodriguez (then of MSO and Roadrunner, respectively).
But now the truce is off. In the most crassly sycophantic move since Britney's multiple VMA win, Revolver has named ahem Metallica's Death Magnetic the album of the year. Um huh? Kinda insulting doncha think, seeing as 2008 was a monstrously exciting and promising year in Metal even without Devin Townsend, Mastodon, Lamb Of God, God Forbid, Darkest Hour so forth and so on. Beaujour, do you expect me to believe that Dearth Vagnetic is better than everything else when it doesn't even qualify as good, let alone great? It's not even relevant, let alone listenable. It's defective. Tuneless, forced, monochromatic, pointless, out-of-touch, and just stupid. It's not even top 20!
Just keep lining up behind these legacy acts, pussies. Keep backing generic suckbags like Bullet For My Valentine, Avenged Sevenfold, and Trivium (sorry) AKA tomorrow's Coal Chamber, Dope, and Primer 55. Doing so ensures a healthy American record industry. Oh wait.
But now the truce is off. In the most crassly sycophantic move since Britney's multiple VMA win, Revolver has named ahem Metallica's Death Magnetic the album of the year. Um huh? Kinda insulting doncha think, seeing as 2008 was a monstrously exciting and promising year in Metal even without Devin Townsend, Mastodon, Lamb Of God, God Forbid, Darkest Hour so forth and so on. Beaujour, do you expect me to believe that Dearth Vagnetic is better than everything else when it doesn't even qualify as good, let alone great? It's not even relevant, let alone listenable. It's defective. Tuneless, forced, monochromatic, pointless, out-of-touch, and just stupid. It's not even top 20!
Just keep lining up behind these legacy acts, pussies. Keep backing generic suckbags like Bullet For My Valentine, Avenged Sevenfold, and Trivium (sorry) AKA tomorrow's Coal Chamber, Dope, and Primer 55. Doing so ensures a healthy American record industry. Oh wait.
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