I'M GOING TO KICK SHOSBOURNE IN THE BALLS

OK well this officially means war, Sharon Osbourne. Here I am, suffering through all your hypocritical, pretentious bullshit on Rock of Love: Charm School (hey it's reality TV - bullshit is part of the deal). After a seeming eternity in the parallel dimension known as Heather, we finally get a brief but bonery trip to MegansVille last night thanks to the series' ratings-milking clip show. Even better, the peek at next week's finale of ROL:CS indicates that fan favorites Megan Hauserman (above, left) and um bosom buddy Brandi C. will appear alongside the remaining three arguebots who hope to win $100,000 and the title of most-deskanked rock tramp, as judged by Sharon Osbourne, the filthy-mouthed nobody whose father bequeathed her Ozzy. She mated with the oblivious rocker, then sold their troll-like spawn to MTV. I could go on but the point is that Shosbourne and I were only a hair's breadth away from open warfare before yesterday. And then yesterday came and with it the taping of ROL:CS's reunion show. TMZ reports:

Hauserman claims Osbourne went ballistic during a taping of the show's reunion special Saturday night and accuses Osbourne of running across the stage, grabbing her by the hair and refusing to let go. According to Hauserman, Osbourne continued to pull and scratch until security eventually separated the two. Megan went to the hospital Sunday afternoon and filed a report with the LAPD (video) on Sunday night. According to Megan, the whole thing started after Osbourne took a verbal shot at her, and the Charm School contestant responded by saying that Sharon is only famous for "managing a brain dead rock star." And then all hell broke loose. The LAPD says Sharon is a suspect in a minor battery. No charges have been filed.

Calls to VH1 and Sharon's management company were not returned.

How very ahem charming and ladylike of you, Sharon. Much like when Bruce Dickinson of Iron Maiden refused to deal with your powerdyke bullshit and in retaliation, your punk-ass egged his band. You raging cunt. This will not stand, man. This unchecked aggression will not stand, man. Your husband goes out and makes you money all over town and then you come and attack Megan? Eat a bag of dicks, you stupid slag.