Ugh so DragonForce has quietly gone about their business of hyper-frenetic wankcore without offending me thus far. That all changed today when I spotted singer ZP Theart doing the "shhhhh I'm here baby" pose in a recent promo shot (above). Congratulations, homos -- you're officially about as cool as other finger-to-lips jerk-offs David Hasselhoff (drunken berater of children) and fucking Rod Stewart (cheap-ass Steve Marriott). Heavens to Murgatroid.
Anyway, thanks to alphabetical arrangement, Fag'nDorks head up yesterday's announced Best Metal Performance Grammy nominees and holy shit that's the boringest sentence ever. As retarded as the actual awards are, it's still tempting to devote a few thousand words to the excruciating Grammys broadcast (teleprompters and hilarious announcer and formalwear stuck in the 50s), but let's get this over with:
- DragonForce "Heroes Of Our Time"
- Judas Priest "Nostradamus"
- Metallica "My Apocalypse"
- Ministry "Under My Thumb"
- Slipknot "Psychosocial"
Shitting all over these nominations is like pilfering vicodins from my wacko pot guy: too easy. For some reason Slayer won the last two years, and that should indicate to what extent the NARAS gets Metal. If this shit meant anyfuckingthing, HooM! would endorse Slipknot, if for no other reason than that I'd rather endure a traumatic dwarfbang than hear that Metallica song again, the Priest album is a total miss, DragonForce has the appeal of a Looney Tunes marathon at 78 rpm, and the only prize deserved by Ministry's quarter-assed Stones cover (with horrific Burton C. Bell vocals) is a tumbler full of hot piss. Eat shit and die, Grammys.
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