OH MY GOD

While watching the first installment of VH1's 100 Greatest Hard Rock Songs, I was struck by how many bands lost members to Christian rock. For all I care, you can worship that pork chop shaped like Dio I got at Outback two summers ago but that doesn't mean anyone wants to hear an album's worth of songs about it. Elsewhere, I dig the humility of hunky Autograph frontman Steve Plunkett, who acknowledged his one-hit wonder status honestly and tacked on some gratitude to boot. That fucker and his unsigned band opened for Van Halen on their 1984 tour so yeah I'd be thankful for that instant pile of money too.

But while it's only giggle-worthy when guys from Grand Funk or Kansas go all god crazy, it hits a little closer to home when, say, members of the biggest, evilest, free-thinkingest Metal bands of our generation derail into bible rocking. Like, as Metal Inquisition points out, parking attendant assailant Nicko McBrain (Iron Maiden) and diminutive watchmaker Dan Spitz (Anthrax):

Spitz now owns his own repair shop in Boca Raton, FL, where he reconnected with Nicko McBrain from Iron Maiden. Aside for their shared love of music, watches, and living in Florida (who knew Boca Raton was the preferred retirement spot for aging rockers?), they are both really into Jesus. Big time.

You see, Danny was born Jewish, but converted to Messianic Judaism, which really has nothing to do with Judaism. They believe in good ol' JC, and are similar to Jews For Jesus. As a matter of fact, once you convert to Messianic Judaism, Israel will refuse to give you citizenship. But enough about that. Turns out, Nicko is also way into the Lord. He converted upon setting foot inside Spanish River Church, a Boca Raton mega-church, after his wife begged him to go. Once inside the church, he began to cry uncontrollably, according to him.

Though there is no word from Anthrax about Danny's possible attempts to convert them, Nicko says the following about Iron Maiden:

"I can't say to you that I'm trying to convert all these guys in my band to be Christians. I'm leading them on my route, and if they choose to follow what God's plan is in the Bible, that's up to them. I say to them all, you know, look, in my belief, at the moment, if you turn to your saviour Jesus Christ, I'll have eternal life in Heaven with you!"

How original, Nickers. Your wife begged you to go, you had a spiritual epiphany, and now you're privy to ahem God's plan and eternal life in Heaven. Makes a lot of sense for the guy who played on "Moonchild" and "Only The Good Die Young." Dork.