7.1 WARBRINGER * WAR WITHOUT END (Century Media)
7.2 ONE MAN ARMY & THE UNDEAD QUARTET * GRIM TALES (Nuclear Blast)
Newsflash! According to a University of New South Wales study, the act of headbanging causes brain damage. And to that, we all say: DUH. I swear, can we put a moratorium on further pointless studies on Metal, satanism, drugs, violence, suicide, subliminal messages, blag blag blurg? Please? Seems like such a waste of resources and thus we at HooM! will conduct an in-depth study on the effectiveness of retarded studies on Metal and Metal listeners. OK finished! Our conclusion: Zero. No effect on us.
Those nimrods at the School For Risk & Safety Sciences in Aww-stralia coulda saved their precious time and known about glorious Metal brain damage had they just given a close listen to the two dumbest, awesomest Metal records of 2008, both the obvious result of excessive noggin floggin'. First, Warbringer's raging debut, War Without End. It's easy to label Warbringer plagiaristic or even ahem trendy, which makes sense since you can't turn on MTV or commercial radio without first track "Total War" blaring in your face. But seriously, Warbringer walks the fine line between rip-off and tribute with extreme deftness. Here's how to tell the difference: Push play on War Without End. Wait four minutes. Do you find it
And then there's One Man Army & The Undead Quartet, possibly the most unwieldy name this side of those emo dorks who use as their moniker an entire T.S. Eliot stanza. 1MA&U4's mastermind is Johan Lindstrom, former singer of The Crown, who is a little caught up in terror-stalker-murder imagery (see cover art, above) but can't help but retain his former band's unparalleled understanding of Death Metal: When vocals become a growly rhythm instrument instead of purveyors of melody, then guitars must pick up the hooky, catchy slack. Arch Enemy guitarist Michael Amott pays lip service to this ideal, but only as a slightly misguided antidote to good cop-bad cop vocals. Which suck-diddly-uck (unless you have an unbelievably awesome singer cough Soilwork cough cough). The Crown, however, shat out hummable riffs all over those last three records, while Lindstrom and drummer Janne Saarenpaa mastered brain-snaring counter-rhythms. Y'know, in the realm of that finale-starting riff of "Holy Wars...The Punishment Due": not melodic, but screamingly catchy. Grim Tales, 1MA&U4's third and best outing, is a straighter, poppier affair, with the aforementioned slash-your-throat lyrics taking center stage. But a Crown-trained musician like Lindstrom is like a five-star chef (hi Jenny) preparing you a burger. Yeah, it's just meat and bread, but what's this avocado-mango salsa and fancy chipotle mustard? Hey wow sesame seeds that don't cascade off the bun on contact! How'd you slice it that way so none of the onions go squirting out when I bite down? Mmmm. Metally.
7.2 ONE MAN ARMY & THE UNDEAD QUARTET * GRIM TALES (Nuclear Blast)
Newsflash! According to a University of New South Wales study, the act of headbanging causes brain damage. And to that, we all say: DUH. I swear, can we put a moratorium on further pointless studies on Metal, satanism, drugs, violence, suicide, subliminal messages, blag blag blurg? Please? Seems like such a waste of resources and thus we at HooM! will conduct an in-depth study on the effectiveness of retarded studies on Metal and Metal listeners. OK finished! Our conclusion: Zero. No effect on us.
Those nimrods at the School For Risk & Safety Sciences in Aww-stralia coulda saved their precious time and known about glorious Metal brain damage had they just given a close listen to the two dumbest, awesomest Metal records of 2008, both the obvious result of excessive noggin floggin'. First, Warbringer's raging debut, War Without End. It's easy to label Warbringer plagiaristic or even ahem trendy, which makes sense since you can't turn on MTV or commercial radio without first track "Total War" blaring in your face. But seriously, Warbringer walks the fine line between rip-off and tribute with extreme deftness. Here's how to tell the difference: Push play on War Without End. Wait four minutes. Do you find it
a) a shallow attempt at classic Thrash that makes you want to press stop and go listen to Reign In Blood and Fabulous Disaster?See, a) would imply Warbringer just dressed their empty, impactless album up in Thrashisms but only suceeded in reminding you of their forebears. Selection b) would be stale in content and suspicious in motive; grungeternative or not, Metal has come a long way since the old days. And hey tribute bands are like ugly outgoing chicks: a good time, sure, but only for one very drunken night. So we land on c), in which Warbringer doesn't shun rumbling double bass and the occasional growl for authenticity's sake. In which Warbringer axemen Adam Carroll and John Laux aren't satisfied to write by-the-numbers Thrash riffs but awesome riffs within the Thrash-ish idiom. In which Warbringer singer haha John Kevill goes all John Connelly/Tom Araya, which seems energy-consuming enough to be undertaken only by a true Thrasher. In which the Ventura quintet pick up what the '90s dropped. In which Warbringer rips.
b) a relic that seems to have slipped through time from 1985 Bay Area to your ears?
c) a good-hearted album-length riot that balances genre touchstones with post-Thrash elements to create not a wax dummy of Metal but the reopening of the era?
And then there's One Man Army & The Undead Quartet, possibly the most unwieldy name this side of those emo dorks who use as their moniker an entire T.S. Eliot stanza. 1MA&U4's mastermind is Johan Lindstrom, former singer of The Crown, who is a little caught up in terror-stalker-murder imagery (see cover art, above) but can't help but retain his former band's unparalleled understanding of Death Metal: When vocals become a growly rhythm instrument instead of purveyors of melody, then guitars must pick up the hooky, catchy slack. Arch Enemy guitarist Michael Amott pays lip service to this ideal, but only as a slightly misguided antidote to good cop-bad cop vocals. Which suck-diddly-uck (unless you have an unbelievably awesome singer cough Soilwork cough cough). The Crown, however, shat out hummable riffs all over those last three records, while Lindstrom and drummer Janne Saarenpaa mastered brain-snaring counter-rhythms. Y'know, in the realm of that finale-starting riff of "Holy Wars...The Punishment Due": not melodic, but screamingly catchy. Grim Tales, 1MA&U4's third and best outing, is a straighter, poppier affair, with the aforementioned slash-your-throat lyrics taking center stage. But a Crown-trained musician like Lindstrom is like a five-star chef (hi Jenny) preparing you a burger. Yeah, it's just meat and bread, but what's this avocado-mango salsa and fancy chipotle mustard? Hey wow sesame seeds that don't cascade off the bun on contact! How'd you slice it that way so none of the onions go squirting out when I bite down? Mmmm. Metally.
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