COME ON COME THE FUCK ON

I'm always griping that Vegas doesn't have any shows for the multitudinous rockers who visit each year. That may all change as America's Sweethearts, Cheap Trick, the best power-pop band ever, are rumored to have landed a regular headlining gig in Sin City. It's about time! I've been clamoring for some sort of Cheap Trick residency since the quartet played that series of four-night stands in 1998. The first night, they played their debut record; on the following night, it was In Color. And so on. Amazingly, on the Heaven Tonight night in Minneapolis, Joe fucking Perry and Steven goddamn sonofabitching Tyler of Aerosmith, after wrapping at the Enormodome just across the street, stopped by to join the Trick for "Train Kept A-Rollin'" and ... something else I can't remember because I was too busy trying to climb into Tyler's pants with him. 

Anyway, so what's the Cheap Trick Vegas Spectacular gonna consist of? How about a big-budget recreation of their entire Budokan set? That'd be priceless! There'd be nary a dry seat in the house! Well, as long as it's Cheap Trick songs and it rocks, who cares? Oh. It's not Cheap Trick songs. And it won't rock? I...see. The Las Vegas Review-Journal reports:

Cheap Trick is close to finalizing a headliner deal with the Las Vegas Hilton that would feature the group performing The Beatles' epic album Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band live with a full orchestra. Word has it their performances could begin as soon as March and stretch throughout 2009.

Uhhh. But why? The Beatles? An orchestra?? Word has it??? What year is this? What the fuck are you talking about?

Cheap Trick performed the landmark album in its entirety at the Hollywood Bowl in August 2007. The concert, which celebrated the album's 40th anniversary, featured guest appearances by Ministry's Al Jourgensen, Aimee Mann, Joan Osborne and The Hollywood Bowl Orchestra, among others. The artists also played other Beatles favorites, including "Magical Mystery Tour," "Norwegian Wood," and "Eleanor Rigby."

K I'm pretty sure that this is the most egregious misuse of rock 'n roll good-timery EVER. Hey dumbshits, I have an idea you might buy: AC/DC presents The Best of the Rolling Stones live at EuroDisney. Yep just make that bitch out to 'cash'.