That guitar shop scene in Wayne's World is totally accurate; in two decades, I've never been able to eye-fuck sweet, shiny guitars without some dingus distracting me with half-ass shreddery. You can just tell they're watching out of the corner of their eye as you're totally not wowed by their sloppy, awkward stab at "Walk With Me In Hell." If you detect a note of jealousy, congratulations smartguy, you're correct; as a godforsaken lefty, I don't get to sit around and demo dozens of guitars all fucking day. Instead, I'm marked as a shoplifter (as I thumb through tab books and fondle effects pedals) or as a retard (as I sorta-play right-handed axes upside-down). Or maybe I play the one dusty lefty model on the floor, usually a total chump guitar for losers. Hey I wanna waste time at the guitar store! I wanna show off my mastery of the "Malpractice" and "Ride The Lightning" solos! Chicks love that shit! Stupid life!
Anyhow, it's equally irksome that tons of guitar awesomes were clustered at NAMM in Anaheim all weekend, whipping their dongs out for all to admire. Uh metaphorically, of course. But I couldn't finagle entre. Which is ironic, since it's the only time I'd want to see a bunch of guitarists sit on stools and show off. Check out this bastard (above), the dude from The Faceless, uh 'shredding the axe' all over the Washburn booth. Shedding the axe? What did those Japanese guys to the left write this press release?
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