I WISH IT HAD NEVER HAPPENED
By Bret Michaels, Poison
I had a great time at the Tonys right up until [when] I got knocked out. After that, it was all a little blurry due to the fact that I got my bell rung pretty good. But I have no regrets. They treated us great, and it was a freak accident.
Personally, I wish it would have never happened. Then I could have went to the after-parties and hung with James Gandolfini and Anne Hathaway. I have a strange feeling, since I may be the only man that has been knocked out at the Tonys, it may never be forgotten.
Seriously, I mean, who gets knocked out at the Tonys?
I WISH IT WOULD HAPPEN AGAIN AND AGAIN
By The All-Seeing Cosmos
Musical Theater is fruity as hell, but at least it had style until recently, when nostalgia shows began to feature shitty pop songs from Abba and Poison. Then again, it's all worthwhile now that we all were witness to a renegade piece of scenery's brutal attack on Bret Michaels.
We've suffered the Broadway versions of classic fare like Dirty Rotten Scoundrels or Monty Python and quite frankly, the addition of jazz hands and sparkly scarves to Twisted Sister's "We're Not Gonna Take It" doesn't constitute an improvement. But to that we'd happily turn a blind eye if certain assurances could be made regarding an annual conking of a certain blond mimbo's head.
Honestly, it doesn't even have to be the Poison singer whom is savagely crushed by a big heavy falling thing for all to see. Guitarist C.C. Deville could stand in every couple years, himself due for a noggin-bonk. But let's make sure we keep the ratio at Michaels 2:1. After all, "Nothing But A Good Time" is merely a representative of his enormous catalogue of tuneless groaning and bad poetry.
In the interest of the Tonys event ratings, a little variety is essential. While 2010's ceremony is booked for an encore presentation of the Michaels melon-denting/sneezer-smashing, the following year Nathan Lane could just kick Michaels in the nads. I'm sure Kevin Spacey would sign on to break a 2x4 across Bret's back in an undisclosed year. That way we'd all be closer to even for "Every Rose Has Its Thorn." Geoffrey Rush's agent is working up an arm-in-the-garbage-disposal tribute to Rock Of Love.