7.23.2009

GET OFF THE STAGE. LITERALLY.




That Metal Show's Download Fest special got off to a shaky start with a flatulent Def Leppard farting through the fartastic "Pour Some Sugar On May" but the next clip was kickass Tesla in Like New condition. In the judiciously edited interview footage, funnymen ruled like Steel Panther and Ripper Owens, and HooM! Horns to Lil' Joey Jordison whose Stump The Trunk question was about the fantastic Voivod Angel Rat record (above, Piggy most fluent guitarist ever?). Then TMS co-host/painfully unfunny dunce Jim Florentine started humping Tommy Lee's leg and Buck Cherry joined them for the incoherent argument segment in which apples battle oranges. Surprise not one of those fucknuggets voted for Faith No More as the best mainstage headliner (Def Lep 3 [seriously?], Slipknot 3).

While not being entertained by Florentine's weird neck and repeated mention of Lee's wang, I drifted off and thought about how fucking awful it must have felt for the members of Faith No More to play right after Limp Bizkit and Korn. I would've demanded that the stage be sectioned into little roped-off islands for each Bizkiteer from which they may not wander. And the Korn guys suspended from wires except Luzier.


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