As a pitiless social climber, I'm totally psyched that Metal dudes are marrying into positions of power lately. I mean, what a score for our side that THE Nic Cage's son is flying our flag; just imagine all the converts he's won. (Or just look at them here.) And now some deathbanger is up in Jim Carrey spawn, who is thrice as likely to become a famous (her dad is famous) and a public Metal booster (her dad is Metal). Hey remember when Cannibal Corpse cameoed in Ace Ventura: Pet Detective and they were credited as Cannibal Corpses. That was awesome.

Oh but then there's the new 'guitarist' of Queensryche, who tied the knot to singer Geoff Tate's daughter and has thus been drafted into the touring band at scale. It's called Tate's I Literally Constructed A Vagina For You To Fuck tax. You'd think it'd be tough to concentrate on the sub-retard lyrics of "Hand On Heart" when suddenly comes a whiff of vaguely familiar poon. Waaaaait a second! That's Tate family poon! Why I outta!

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