I landed the silver medal in the 1990 Tri-State Vulgarity Decathlon, and as an authority I propose a National Lifetime Swear Achievement Award. I'm talking front lawn of the White House and everything. My nominees: Steve Martin ("You can start by wiping that fucking dumbass smile of your rosy fucking cheeks."), the president of the company I work for ("I went straight to Beijing to ask her 'What the fuck are you talking about?'"), Larry David ("Oh what a fuck."), my crazy friend's dad ("Take your turn, bitch."), Rick Moranis ("Fuck! Even in the future nothing works."), the evil kung fu guy in Kentucky Fried Movie ("Shit."), and ok so I guess it's a crowded ballot. No offense but only one non-male comes to mind and perhaps unsurprisingly it's A Fish Called Wanda co-star Jamie Lee Curtis, whose anti-Kevin Kline outbursts are like Monets of vitriolic profanity.

Anyway, Steel Panther singer Michael Starr is a surgeon with potty talk, as befits his position (sorry). The first in his highlight reel at the 2010 Swearies is the shhhit in verse two of "Asian Hooker" from Feel The Steel (buy it October 6 DBA). And while I'm morally opposed to frivolous propagation of the myth of the subservient Oriental pleasure-bot, I find that "Asian Hooker" mostly serves as a cautionary tale that exposes Starr as a bimbonic walking hard-on (not an insult): He fails to procure cocaine in Japan, contracts an STD in South Korea, and plans to bang a lot of, well, hookers throughout southeast Asia which is um unwise. Most importantly, the song has powerful hipster repellant properties, as evidenced by a clip from this March's SXSW (above). Guitarist Satchel orders the crowd to shave their 'little moustaches' just before Starr calls them a bunch of fags.

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