NO STONER ROCK FOR STONER

As an unfeeling cynic, I'm occasionally surprised by pangs of empathy and pity when watching those weird shows about dudes who want to be chicks, chicks who want to bang dudes who want to be chicks, and dude-chicks who want to bang themselves. Ok sorry that's a pretty unenlightened way of expressing my support and concern for the sexually confused (what a drag, really) and as it happens, I'm not immune to crises of identity either. I mean, what barely functional stoner finds no appeal in stoner rock?

Dudes have forced me to listen to all the titans of the genre, from Kyuss to Sleep, and frankly, it's a lot of blues noodling and unsatisfying, gelatinous non-structure. But now that commercial Metal sound design has taken on a laser-like precision, where drums sound like synths and are needlessly corrected by computers to an exactness undetectable to the human ear, it seems like the looseness of doom and stoner Metal -- not to mention the genres' total lack of whining about girlfriends and bro-brah strength nonsense -- is thrown into sharp relief and is downright magnetic to me. Pushing me further in the direction of baked-beyond-comprehension-core is my relatively recent mega-worship of Type O Negative, whose droning melodicism is overshadowed not even by frontman Peter Steele's self-deprecating meathead schtick or oft-exposed meat stick. Anyway, Decibel is extending a helping hand to stonerphobes like me, this time with exclusive new Gates Of Slumber song "The Bringer of War". Thanks for the pinch, Albert.