The day in 1991 I bought Voivod's awesome Angel Rat, I spent an inordinate time pacing the record store with it pressed snugly against Free Hand by Gentle Giant with the intention of crotching the latter, longbox and all. I'd buy Angel Rat while holding my jacket across my newly angular lap and use the register as an obstruction. This airtight plan, sadly, dominated my brain power causing an inadvertent shutdown of motor skills, and as a result I wandered too close to the door. When the alarm started screaming I crapped my pants, though for an Italian, deceit is a reflex and I recovered instantly; with a genial wave, I pointed to the non-crotched Angel Rat as the culprit. Shrugging at the clerk like whateryagunnado? I shrieked 'Know what? I'll just pay for this and go catch the last 10 minutes of Dynasty' and turned to mouth the words CAR KEYS! to Brian. When I felt the keys drop into my covertly upturned palm, so began my preparation to run like horsefuck when inevitably that narc door alerted record store staff to the timebomb in my drawers. Receipt in hand, I instead sashayed over to Brian and promptly pushed the longbox down to my knees, then bent down to rip it from the bottom of my pantleg. It's not as painful as it sounds but Free Hand was all fucked up (hence the change to unforgiving plastic holders). The moral of the story is man Angel Rat is fucking awesome.

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