INDIANAN AUTOCRACY

Album titles don't matter, but in the case of Axl Rose's long-long-long-awaited follow up to um The Spaghetti Incident?, the title has been the only constant in this exhausting clusterfuck. I defy anyone to accurately parse Rose's intended lyrical themes from aging famous person alienation; but judging from the scattered Chinese dialogue which opens the album, Rose actually is commenting on China on some level. I might be wrong.

We all have read about Rose's hyper-intelligence, which Chuck Klosterman calls "genius," but whoa irony alert!! Look, Guns N' Roses is China, and Axl's stranglehold on the Guns brand name and musical output (acquired through questionable dealings) mimics China's institutionalized human rights abuses and Draconian treatment of dissidents. 'Member when Slash wanted to attend that Guns gig in Vegas? Turned away. Or what about that first post-everybody headline slot at Rock In Rio where Axl petulantly demanded the ejection of a guy dressed like Slash during the second fucking song. Pretty paranoid! 

One great album and "Oh My God" aside, Axl never claimed to be a cool guy; in fact, when he stated this summer that he'd split his complimentary Dr. Pepper with a deserving Buckethead, I almost sent a cookie bouquet to Axl's team of therapists in congratulations for finally nailing the correct dosage of happy pills. Or perhaps, at long last, Axl is just 'being cool.' Just be cool, man.

And what about Chinese Democracy, the album. Well, considering we've had fucking 17 years to trace out every potential permutation of an Axl-led mob of guitarists and producers, I'm shocked to report that CD surprises me. It's blunt, thudding, safe, and plain. Guitar fills haphazardly come and go, lyrics cross from the personal to the private, and CD's groove more closely resembles modern radio buttcore than Los Angeles rat-in-the-gutter rock. But is it good? Or are we merely feeling the afterglow of spotting a unicorn (Klosterman) or losing our virginity (Rosenberg)? It's probably more like getting a tooth pulled. As Axl would say, "Guess we'll just have to wait and see."