PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE

If there's lingering doubt about Faith No More's rise from commercially underachieving alt-metal group to canonized legacy act, it might be put soundly to rest by oh say a FNM reunion tour. A big one. Then we could all get on with our lives. Sure, there'd be bad attitudes (did they ever get along?), but management could keep the band chatter to a minimum and shine a bright, screaming light on FNM's dual mega-classics The Real Thing and Angel Dust (Greatest Record of All Time) as well as the uneven but essential King For A Day...Fool For A Lifetime and Album of the Year. We could be like those hippie people and Rush fans who attend like 10 shows per tour; I'd bring a neurosurgeon to each city so the board signal could shoot FNM directly into my brain. (What kind of cables would that require? email HipstersOutOfMetal@gmail.com.) But with singer Mike Patton kinda bigger than Faith No More for a decade now, could a reunion happen? Kerrang! reports:

Industry insiders suggest that hugely infuential '90s alt-metal band Faith No More is planning to return next year. Kerrang! understands that a number of U.K. venues have been placed on hold for shows from the band next spring, while U.K. festival appearances are rumored to follow in the summer. 

Founding bassist Bill Gould played down the speculation: "If anything like this were to happen, it would have to come from the band, and I haven't spoken with any of them in over a year. So as far as I know, there isn't anything to talk about, and I'm pretty sure that if you were to contact Patton, he would tell you the same thing." 

Despite several years of vigorously denying claims the band would reform, Mike Patton seems to have softened in recent months. In an interview with the Artisan News Service in January, he said "I wouldn't rule it out. I don't think we need to reform the band, but maybe there's other things we could do together."

Patton seems to be hinting at a new album of Faith No More material. Meanwhile, Gould plays dumb. Mike Bordin plays drums with Ozzy ugh, Roddy Bottom is still doing the underrated but clearly not FNM-level Imperial Teen, Jim Martin is probably enjoying a fine pizza. So how about this: We'll all just leave our wallets right here like so, and you guys just take whatever you feel is fair. Go ahead now. That's right. And hey what's this? Why it's a stage! Here let me flip this switch and this one and GO!!!!!!!!! Make loud Faith No More now!