It's as though a warm breeze cleansed HooM! Headquarters this weekend thanks to my acquisition of the brand new 4-in-1 Lethal Weapon complete set ($13!). One new inclusion to the director's cut is a first act-scene in which Riggs, standing upright, downs a sniper from a hundred yards. With a pistol. Preposterous, surely, but not as wildly retarded as my other big get, The Crown's 14 Years of No Tomorrow (above), disc one of which bears a pathetic, self-worshipping ahem documentary of the ill-fated band. Composed mainly of title cards and more title cards, the 70-minute doc feels more like a series of trailers written by a pre-teen Goosebumps enthusiast. Band interviews? Not really. Rare live footage? Relegated to disc 3. Insight or narrative of any kind? Fail. Since 2002, I'm basically one night of partying away from a Crown face tattoo yet now I'm more inclined to a quick seek-and-kick-nuts mission upon those responsible for this abortion.
Metal people, don't be the next casualty of embarrassing, corny DVDs, like God Forbid's hilariously-titled Beneath The Scars of Glory and Progression. Um, huh? It's your stupid DVD, dudes, not a conquest of distant moons. In fact, don't comment on your own band ever, you semi-literate dunces. That's the exclusive domain of semi-literate wannabe dunces on the internet.
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