It's easy to get so deep into Metal that perspective is lost, but occasionally we are jolted back into reality by, say, a TV Guide commercial (above) that demonstrates what Metal looks like through the eyes of your everyday sitcom-humping wimp. Every single shot in the now-ancient 20-second clip is hilarious, but I'm tormented since the basis for this depiction is probably freakazoid, fanless cock-rockers Nitro (compare). Look, I'll tell you the same thing I told that Senate subcommittee: I created Nitro in that lab strictly at the behest of the United Nations who needed to counteract the Communist bloc's dreaded two-pronged Scorpions-Gorky Park capabilities. It's not my fault Nitro ran wild, claiming Lita Ford and countless eardrums as their victims. Where's MY parade, man?
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