Burrrrn: Shaq Freestyles, Kobe Polishes MVP Trophy

We loudmouth jerks usually stick together, and I love cheap shots, but it'd be tough to defend Phoenix Suns' center Shaquille O'Neal and this week's, ahem, 'freestyle rap.' There are better MCs doing fast food commercials, but that doesn't stop a clueless O'Neal from leading a roomful of sycophants in a rousing chorus of the holiday favorite "Kobe, Tell Me How My Ass Taste."

O'Neal's, shudder, 'rhymes' also make pointed mention of the Laker guard's defeat in the NBA Finals last week; I'm no scientist, but since O'Neal's Suns lost horribly in the first round of the playoffs, the dumbshit might consider zipping it. Instead, he displays at least one trait also found in real MCs (a total disconnect from reality), stating that 'Kobe can't do without' O'Neal's out-of-shape, immobile, offensive-fouling lard ass. Oh, and that Bryant is somehow responsible for his 2007 divorce. Um. What?

Asked for comment, O'Neal downplayed the outlandish claims as 'what MCs do.' Like he'd know. Come to think of it, he did precisely what awful MCs do: mention Biggie a lot, stumble around, and go for cheap laughs that don't stand up to the most superficial scrutiny. Plus, the guy is a fucking cop! Yeah, how hip-hop can you get?

Well, real NBA heads are enjoying a hearty guffaw as O'Neal is stripped of his beloved law enforcement officer status this week. From ESPN
Bedford County Sheriff Mike Brown said Wednesday that he has asked the Phoenix Suns center to return a badge he was given for his work with the southwest Virginia county's Internet Crimes Against Children Task Force. The decision comes one day after a sheriff in Arizona asked O'Neal to return a special deputy's badge because of language he used in the rap.
The closest thing to a Metal diss is Metallica's cheap shot at Iron Maiden's 'Run To The Hills' on their Garage Days Re-Revisited EP. When is Overkill gonna write a diss track about Avenged Sevenfold?

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