Disturbed At #1 Again: Don't Panic!

Let's all take a deep breath, hold, and release it before our brains seize, crystalize, and shatter at the news that nu-metal assclowns Disturbed officially registered their third consecutive #1 album on Billboard albums chart Wednesday. 

Disturbed's reps are responsible for quite a shitstorm of fluffy plants lately; man, they must be tickled to report that the band, one of history's worst, joins the not very elite three-peat club populated by fellow hall-of-shamers Dave Matthews Band, Staind, and U2 -- as well as real bands Van Halen and System of a Down. 

But don't freak out. The record industry is suffering like Oprah on the wrong side of a cake shop window. And Dicksturd moved 250k of their latest atrocity only because fans of unlistenable pec-core can't smoke meth and download simultaneously. It's wise of Wal-Mart to conveniently display all Disturbed CDs right next to the pseudoephedrine. Zinnnng! 

Alicia Keys' As I Am: One of 199 non-Disturbed albums charted by Billboard