AXL ROSE MIGHT BE OVERTHINKING THINGS

Axl lives in L.A. so hopefully he'll someday get out of his head and enjoy the nice weather out here with the rest of us. Ok so it's been raining for two days but anyway his interview with Billboard is a real treat. That the feature is titled Axl Rose Speaks even though he answered the questions via email is only the beginning of the absurdity. He kinda does that thing where he arrives at a plausible, but inaccurate, conclusion in his head, then sculpts his argument to fit. 

And who's up for some vague, directionless paranoia? I tried to pull a quote from that monster but holy shit it's so packed with non-answers that he sounds like he's explaining to police why he was found naked on Charlize Theron's roof without mentioning the preceding quarter of mushrooms/four ecstasys/two Budweiser 40s. (True story.) Only Axl wants us to believe that Jimmy Iovine (a decent guy) and Reuters (a wire service picked up by publications whose readership consists solely of 40-year old whites) drugged him and left him at the scene. OK I got mushrooms from Iovine once but other than that, Axl's whole outlook is just wacky.

Still, I respect Axl more and more these days; he's just so unbending and you can tell the root of his insanity is hurt. He talks tough about Slash, but uses the language of the jilted. He's disappointed about Chinese Democracy's godawful sales, but is immature in his refusal to prove -- or even mention -- to consumers that it's a worthwhile purchase. He wants Iovine to dump money into promotion, but already socked the label with the expenses of thirteen goddamn years of production. 

It's like Axl's moving a new waterbed into his place but if he and his management (aka the real problem here) are just standing there smoking cigarettes, then why in the planet of Fuck would Iovine and Best buy bother picking up their side of the unwieldy thing -- let alone try to drag it up a flight of stairs to the bedroom? Can he still have any confidence in himself if he made such a safe, straight album thereby tendering a refusal to lock horns with the illegal downloading crisis and engage the music community? 

There is not one person on Earth who wouldn't welcome a second Guns classic, authored by Axl and whomthemotherfuckever. It's raining in L.A., Axl. Get an umbrella or stay inside. But don't try to dodge the raindrops.