GOOD NAKED/BAD NAKED

There was a little-known situation-comedy in the '90s based on the wacky life of a middling stand-up comic and his friends. It was called uh Seinfeld. Yeah this is all news to me too, but if the viewing public had given this ambitious show a fair shot, it could've been huge. Wipe that look of disbelief off your face, smart guy. Where previous prime time shows traded in static, happy ending-driven moralizing, these Seinfeld characters were incorrigible ne'er-do-wells, antagonizing polite society with their unbending devotion to pettiness and forever paying the price. And there were like 30 scenes crammed into 22 minutes. Unheard of! For sweeps, pre-Seinfeld shows awkwardly tackled hot-button issues like teen sex and pep pills; the gravest Seinfeld ever got was a dilemma involving a toothbrush in the toilet. 

But let it not be said that Seinfeld didn't tighten the social fabric; indeed, some sort of humanitarian award should be bestowed on the show's producers for examining the delicate matter of Bad Nudity. It seems that the main character's girlfriend liked to walk around his apartment totally naked. Initially cause for celebration, her penchant for daytime nudity eventually repulsed this guy, following instances of unflattering naked activities like coughing or straining to open a jar. Gross.

It's with this in mind that we at HooM! warn and admonish Sigh frontman Mirai Kawashima, who guest-blogged for Metal Sucks last week on his forthcoming album Scenes From Hell:

This is going to be the first original album that features Dr. Mikannibal. She’s playing the alto, tenor and batirone saxophones along with taking care of some of the vocals. [My] next report will be about her vocal recordings. She always gets naked when she records the vocals claiming that she feels much more energy like that…

Oh boy. I know Mirai meant this to titillate horny Metal dudes, but the more experienced of us know that a naked woman contorted and screaming like Chuck Schuldiner is not exactly picturesque. (And all Metal guys know that when your dating pool is populated almost exclusively by mental cases, sex is followed immediately by a bizarre shouting match more often than not.) If by "more energy" Mirai means her hoodle mimics a party favor when undertaking that level of physical exertion, then I agree. Put some damn drawers on, lady.