W.A.S.P. frontman Blackie Lawless (above) taught me all about ahh the duality of man. That's the charitable way of saying that he should be way cooler than he is. That is, if the message of his music is any indicator. Well, it's not cuz apparently he likes to fuck like a beast and to reason like a drunk retard. Sorry drunk retards. Don't boycott HooM! for symbolically lowering you to Blackie's level. Though I guess ol' dickbone has been doing to very same to his suffering neighbors in Malibu. That's about to change so if you're in the market for a creepy $1.7 million retreat from which a woman can't escape before the roofies kick in and featuring a wine cave in which to imprison her -- it's your lucky day! Blackie's dreamy real estate agent describes the newly-for sale property:
Just 3 easy miles from Leo Carillo Beach sits this secluded and very private 2.75 +/- acre Malibu retreat. Recently upgraded main house including outdoor BBQ/entertaining area, wine cave, stone guest house and an additional out building. Beautiful hand-crafted rock walls wind throughout this majestic property. Mature oaks, pines and so much more. Incredible views of Boney Ridge, miles of adjacent hiking trails. The perfect hideaway....
I'm no etymologist yet I'm certain that the term perfect cannot apply to anything tainted by the lingering stench of a 52-year old man's sawblade codpiece or echoes of the thin, unendurable The Neon God records. Those two deal-breakers should knock the price down so I can scoop it up and entice chicks back to my place for "incredible views of Boney Ridge" nyuk nyuk nyuk.
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