I finally peeped Kreator's mantastic "Hordes of Chaos" video and wow that shit is hot. Greased up guys, swordplay, supplicant women -- that's how it's done. There's so much distracting green screen shit and so many quick, jerky shots that I wasn't even able to get a bead on frontman Mille Petrozza. Which is fine cuz as a non-chick, he has neither luscious tits nor a cute lil' caboose. Those Cherman bands keep it sexy.

Geoff Tate and the sad pile of hamster vomit masquerading as Queensryche might've heeded that last bit of advice when conceiving their eye-raping video for new single/proof that god doesn't exist "If I Were King" (too foul to link sorry). You'd say this were impossible, but I insist that the band travelled to the set of General Hospital in 1985 to shoot this gem. And since I haven't heard about a sudden, gory suicide of a music video editor, I'm gonna have to conclude that the band didn't employ one. (I imagine Eddie Jackson just kept hitting the pause button on the three rented digital cameras.) No sane production professional would opt for five solid minutes of Tate (above, with Anna Nicole Smith) grimacing in agony on a beach. That guy is just pure sex. 

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