Last week, VH1 reality superfox/unholy terror Megan Hauserman officially filed suit against Sharon Osbourne, aka the source of all misery in life. I hate Osbourne so much that I swear my therapists thought she was a figment of my imagination. She egged Iron Maiden? She turned Ozzy into a synthy balladeer? Her dad ripped off Steve Marriott for like 10 years? They totally talked to me like I was Costanza in that King Henry outfit. When I proved her existance with a photo, they took me off two of my sripts. Great now I have to get my own Dilaudid. 

Seeking damages for battery, negligence and infliction of emotional distress, Hauserman deserves to be carried into court on the shoulders of a bunch of drunken Irishmen; she really jabbed Osbourne right in the denial zone. Y'know, by insinuating that the opportunistic hag is a pathetic nobody who's riding an oblivious ex-rocker to his early death for her own glorification (reportedly -- video of the exchange still hasn't surfaced). 

Osbourne should've settled immediately, even though duh she's smart to force Hauserman to commit to an actual suit. But last I checked, the assault was captured by VH1 cameras, so. Yeah. Osbourne's defense is rumored to include lobbing eggs and a lovely Who's On First sketch.

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