GODSMACK MADE LARKIN RETARDED

Obviously it's hard to publicly disclose your love for certain bands. Usually for the same reason that you don't tell your date you spent the day watching Laguna Beach and chasing Pringles with oceans of grape soda: You'd sound like a ignorant slob. No one bearing a vagina (or baring a vagina) must ever know about my Blue Murder worship (nor their magnum opus cough cough "Sex Child") and I can just imagine the female furrowed brow that would greet any mention of Wrathchild America, thrash metal near-misses. "What's a 'wrathchild'?" she'd ask. "And what does America have to do with anything? Are we getting appetizers?" 

The sad part is I'm unable to disagree, as Wrathchild America is the worst band name this side of Roxx Gang or U2. But there's a not-at-all-happy ending cuz after two classic records, the underappreciated Maryland quartet left Atlantic and re-emerged as Souls At Zero. I relieved some used CD store of SAZ's debut and its post-grunge blahcore really helped with my sleeping problem after Helmet broke up. Anyway, WA/SAZ drummer Shannon Larkin would go on to UGH-ly Kid Joe (I'm hilarious) and later Godsmack, an atrocity so foul as to have a retardifying effect on even its members cuz Larkin is doing fashion.

I met Patrick Murillo (a.k.a Rillo) about nine years ago when I first joined Godsmack. I would end my texts with 'Werd,' or 'Werd up,' or sometimes 'my werd is my bond,' et cetera. Then Rillo came to me with the idea of starting a clothing line called Werd Wear, and I immediately thought it was a million-dollar idea. So my involvement will be as the leading consultant to Werd Wear clothing, and to help promote the company as an endorsee who will proudly wear the gear in pics and on the stage on my upcoming tours and lend my name, Shannon Larkin, to all Werd designs that we create and I will over see them all in order to give my fans the best product I can, so that we all can spread the werd as far and wide. 

Well it wouldn't be HooM! without a gory run-on sentence so thank to Larkin for taking the honors. Actually the wedding on Saturday wa a rager so it's nice of Larkin to do me the service of making fun of himself throughout that quote. 'Rillo? Werd? Multi-million dollar idea?