IT'S A MID-DEATH CRISIS

If I were a stand-up comic I'd do a bit about those Bread Bowl Pastas. Ever seen this commercial? This is what Domino's is rolling their hot sandwich money onto? Look, friends, I'm here for the pasta; the bowl can be made of bowl. I might have a piece of bread on the side. But it needn't be load-bearing bread. Has anyone considered how much fucking bread that is? If I wanted my butt packed, I'd twitter the Daisy Of Love funboys. Does this wet loaf come with a side of rice? For dessert, graham crackers. 

Ok then again, comedy is best left to professionals. Like Spinal Tap, whose forthcoming record (oh god yes) for some reason finds the hilarious and awesome rockers re-recording smashes first heard in their movie This Is Spinal Tap (above). Well fuck this Billboard will do the work for me hooray:

"Basically," says bassist Derek Smalls, "it was possible to put out a record that was louder than any we've ever had before, and that was a selling point right there. We could have the loudest Spinal Tap record there's ever been, and we thought, 'Well, yeah, why not?'"

Back From the Dead's 19 songs include new versions of "Hell Hole" and "Big Bottom," a three-part version of "Jazz Odyssey," a "reggae stylee" rendition of "(Listen to the) Flower People" and more recent songs such as "Warmer Than Hell," "Celtic Blues" and "Rock 'n' Roll Nightmare." Guests include Def Leppard's Phil Collen, John Mayer, Steve Vai playing on the guitar opus "Short and Sweet," and keyboardist Keith Emerson.

Uh I like everything in that excerpt right up until the John Mayer/Phyllis Collen thing. Those guys are chodes. Especially Mayer; unlike Collen, he's never had a good tune. But enough about jealousy, Spinal Tap is doing a new record, led by the smashing "Back From The Dead" (listen here). Back From The Dead the album comes out a week after Steel Panther's Feel The Steel. June '09 is gonna go down as a month of hair rock and giggling. I will have been there, man!