This girl I know isn't hot but we're buds cuz, first, we share a mutual appreciation of her jugs, which lo those many months peeked enthusiastically out of various tops. My greasy charm doesn't really come through in print, but if this were a party I'd find an inoffensive way to express my respect for owners of generously displayed knockers, espesh when they distract from misaligned facial features or an unflattering haircut. That's just smart business.

But that's not basis enough for a friendship, so it's lucky that Glassjaw paved the way to post-hooters friendship as our shared embarrassment band. Seriously, one day I perched on her desk as she showed me her favorite songs from emo freakout debut Everything You Ever Wanted To Know About Silence, and I kept saying "God he really loses his shit in this song" and "It's just a chick, dude. Why don't you fucking cry about it" and "This drunken whore he describes sounds positively fetching" -- and that was the songs I love, not the really ridiculously whiny bitchery. Just goes to show you, a lyricist is allowed a lotta leeway if the band has the ability to staple a decent melody to muscular, smart drums and just occasionally pull out a great riff. By Glassjaw's masterful sophomore album Worship And Tribute, it was a lot more than occasionally. BTW I couldn't find a Glassjaw live clip or video or even photo that didn't annoy the shit out of me. Plus Ben Weinman's ass is already reeking up the place so hey that Zhang Ziyi is sure comely. 

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