7.02.2009

SLAP HIS TITS AND RUB YOUR BALLS ON HIS NOSE




This is news to me but apparently I have an unspeakable Dave Wyndorf problem cuz not only did I first credit the Monster Magnet frontman with a guest vocal on Nashville Pussy's latest record (belonging to Danko Jones), but today I also was willing to bet it was Dave again on Steel Panther's "Turn Out The Lights" (above). Which makes it extra disturbing that this time I mistook him for M Shadows of Avenged Sevenfold, the band currently atop American Metal's suckpile.

A close neighbor of theirs is Killswitch Engage and I officially give up resisting the urge to bitch about what is going on at MetalSucks' joyous 21 Best Metal Albums Of The 21st Century ... So Far. Here goes: Goddamn I can't stand Killswitch Engage. They're probably good at their shit, but their shit is the opposite of what I like about music in every respect, except for heavy guitars. Yep the five men of KsE only do one thing right and most of the credit for that goes to their amps and shit. So. For a while there I was secretly proud that my name was listed among some righteous co-voters at MS, though I suspect now we're all secretly ashamed of our collective awful taste. Is it time for the voter pool to devour itself with accusations and insinuations, shattering into a dozen goon-enforced factions? Will the controversy of two goddamn fucking KsE records in the top 6 culminate in carnage as representatives of each splinter group face each other in the fucking octagon? If so will Dallas and Doc Coyle find themselves on opposite sides? Will beards counteract my first strike clothesline capabilities?

2 comments:

Vince Neilstein said...

You like total cheese like Blue Murder but not kickassery like KsE? I don't get it. KsE basically took what Soilwork did and made it better... and I know you LOVES you some Soilwork.

Conduit said...

Nope KsE just flat out sucks, nothing you can do to cover your ass on that sorry list. :(