As a high-powered drug-gobbling journalist, I was begged to attend a Word-Of-Mouth screening of the new Seth Rogen comedy Pineapple Express on Monday night. I heart James Franco, Rogen's co-star, for his cuddly depiction of dumbshit hesher Daniel Desario on Freaks And Geeks. Plus, I love pot, so I put some goddamn clothes on and went out to the suburbs. WOM screenings are not test screenings, so nobody fills out little surveys or anything; all the same, it may not be the best idea to terribly upset a couple hundred people before the fucking movie starts. But sure enough, a half-dozen uniformed security goons did just that, wanding and patting down attendees for their mobile phones. Which is intrusive even without all the bullying and piss-ass attitudes those rent-a-cop dicklesses favored. One lady gave up her cell to be bagged-and-tagged, but Mr. Wand guy found a second phone in her bag, leading to a second excessive brow-beating. Pleading, she informed Sgt. Fucknut that her work phone was never to leave her person -- it's part of her job. For all we know she's an invaluable penis surgeon or sex slavery investigator. The security cats have their orders and she eventually gave up the phone, but what a bunch of dicks. So, few were in the mood to laugh after the crotch-search. Oh and the head asshole, with whom I exchanged heated words, stood at the front of the theater throughout the 110 minute movie lest a ninja was among our ranks, covertly capturing footage of the to-be-released-in-40-hours film.

I gladly suffer for my art, so save your sympathy, HooM! Nation, for the poor Disturbed road crew. Not only do they travel the country serving (and visibly affiliated with) earth's worst band, but their goddamn shit crashed last week. From Blabbermouth:

A bus which was transporting members of Disturbed's crew ran off the side of Interstate 95 in Florence County, South Carolina after blowing a tire July 31. The vehicle coasted off the shoulder and slid down an embankment before coming to a stop.

Oh. That's not so bad. I thought they'd hit a mine or some special-ops guys lured the bus into a huge elephant trap. I'll take that sympathy after all. Pineapple Express opens today.

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