It was quite a jolt to wake up at a stiff 10:30 AM to the sound of workmen pounding the shit out of my door for attempt three at fixing this window in my place. O, why can't my building's management realize that unless one of those tool-belted studs is Aladdin, enlarging the window to properly fit in the jamb is impossible. No hammer or utility knife will make it happen. Replace that shit. And stop looking at my drug paraphernalia. 

Anyway, after the bit about that Oasis guy getting shoved in the back on stage, the first news piped into HooM! HQ was that somehow Britney Spears won not once not twice but thrice at the MTV Video Music Awards, despite being completely on Mars since, like, 2005. Don't know what MTV's interest in the revival of the so, so, sooooo not worth it anymore Spears and her shitty career, but the once-fuckable bubblebrain could at least do us all the service of doing a sex tape before long. But yeah, according to MTV, Spears is responsible for the best pop video, best video by a female (any female), and video of the year. And like the Republican Party's media cadres, entertainment industry wags subscribe to the 'say-it-and-be-it' method of willing this so-called Britney comeback into truth. And like George W. Bush, Britney needs to fuck the fuck off. It's over dude. Don't be greedy; take your spoils and hide away. You sicken us. 

But anyway, Australia's got it down: Slipknot holds the number one slot on Oz's albums chart, and yet, there were more instances of hard Aussie cash being exchanged for old AC/DC records. And the new album isn't out yet! For an extra larf, scan the chart for hilarious off-brand (Auf-brand?) stars like The Whitlams (uh-hil-hil), Sneaky Sound System ('Kout! Buh-hayeend ja!'), and Katy Perry.  

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