WHY MUST JOHN SYKES SMASH MY DREAMS?

Back when Skid Row was touring for their debut album, this record store announced a meet-and-greet with the then-awesome New Jersey quintet. Earlier that year, I amazed myself by phoning in to the proto-TRL countdown show Dial MTV to request the Skids' first single "Youth Gone Wild" only to have my call selected for the on-air intro. All those pussies were like "This is Missy from Tulsa and I wanna hear Bobby Brown's 'On Our Own' from Ghostbusters II. I love you, Danny!" Nah, my shit was Metal. 

But anyway: After a lot of arm-twisting, a deal was brokered in which the family car would detour to the record store for '10 minutes maximum' so I could gawk at Rachel Bolan's complicated face jewelry in person. Of course, we didn't leave on time so I was already sweating when I got through the door to find that the signing was now happening at the bigger store on the south side. "How in the planet of fuck was I supposed to know that??" I bellowed, searching the faces of the Toto-loving dingleberries on staff. If memory serves, at least four hands shoved me out the front door. My arsenal at that age was largely loogie-based, a weapon easily thwarted by doors. Big disappointment. 

That ugly scene nearly vanished from my mind until Blue Murder's John Sykes trashed my goddamn dreams today. See, a couple years ago, drummer Carmine Appice intimated that some reunion shows were on the event horizon for the mega-trio, authors of history's most awesomely bombastic hair rock album. Well, we can forget about that shit, as Sykes explains to Metal-Rules:

You know, I always get offers to do Blue Murder again; I was asked to do Sweden Rock and Arrow Rock Festival with Blue Murder this year.

Two years ago Carmine Appice told us there were plans for Blue Murder to do a tour in Japan, with [original bassist] Tony Franklin. What happened?

Well, it's not his decision. Carmine does a lot of talking, but it's not his band so it doesn't matter. He's part of the band, but with Blue Murder I was the only guy signed to the contract; it was my band. I picked those guys to play in my band, but Carmine always talks like it's his band and that's why we never get together because he's too much of a pain in the ass.

Still, if anything was ever going to be happen with Blue Murder again, would it be with you, Carmine and Tony?

I think it should be Tony and Carmine. But you know, maybe I'll use Simon Phillips and somebody else on bass. It'd be easier and it'd still be great, but again people wanna see original players. [laughs]

You dick, John. There have already been offers?!!?? What the hell are you waiting for?? An apology from David Coverdale? And by the way, I've heard your off-brand version of Blue Murder live and I don't mind telling you that it sounds like two flabby old people attempting The Boston Brute. Everybody knows Blue Murder is your shit, so stop puffing out your chest with these threats and play some fucking shows, cockface. It's not like you're busy with something awesome. Oh yeah, you're in ahem "Thin Lizzy."