Um to my mild embarrassment, I've been pretty shrill and hysterical about Metallica for oh the last 15 years or so. My English friends take nagging disappointments like these with stoicism and class, remnants of their ancient, refined culture. O, if only I could be so dignified. It would help if Metallica would meet me half way, instead of ruthlessly striving for new heights of unapologetic awfulness. It's like they're the best at sucking.
So it makes sense that Ulrich and Hetfield excel at giving new meaning to the term ill-conceived throughout the stupid promotion for stupid Guitar Hero: Metallica. The SXSW thing was desperate at best, and now this pair of TV spots? Wow. Uh so I get the Risky Business reference, but what's with the College Basketball personalities? You can almost visualize the marketing guys saying March Madness, Metallica, 16 - 34 year old men, get me Bobby Knight and Mike Scsyzyxxyshefski! And ha Hetfield yells at them for being way pussy. Cuz ya know, Metal is all about being macho and manly, not free-thinking and cool. Oh look at that, in the second spot, Metallica commits quadruple homicide. Good one.