4.02.2009

THERE WERE NO BIBLES PRESENT




Let's all agree that Christian bands are totally bullshit. Some of Metal's greatest records spewed from Jesus-lovers, but at least they had the good sense to shut the fuck up about it. Meanwhile, dorky god bands get their toehold in the industry by working over ignorant religious types at those creepy, backwater festivals and populating the shelves of Christian bookstores until, of course, it's time to crossover, at which time the band starts to distance themselves from churching, saying how they don't think of themselves as a religious band. 

I tolerate a few prayer-humper bands (Believer), but the only outfit I'll defend with fists is He Is Legend, whose many, many lyrical crimes and pussy-ass emoisms were overpowered by killer production (by Killswish Engage's Adam Dukeoiusiugqitz) and hooks to die on the cross throughout slick first LP I Am Hollywood. Gooood shit. (Fans will screech that HIL is not and never was a Christian band, but come on. Like strippers and coke dealers, you don't get that reputation accidentally.)

So imagine my surprise when on their tour for underachieving sophomore outing Suck Out The Poison, I turned up to an extremely not-packed HIL gig bracing for shiny bangs, lip piercings, and complicated T-shirts (here) only to be met with the haggard, biker-ish, rock 'n roll boozers of HIL phase II (above). Even though the mix on SUTP um sucks horsedicks (Steve Evetts what happened dude?), they totally force the Southern rock angle, and singer Schuylar Croom (seriously?) scrapped his awesome whiny voice for an ear-unfriendly rasp, they ripped shit up that night. Seriously. Praise the lord. Uh the lame one.

 

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