Sunday night's Rock of Love Bus reunion show was omg hilar. To start, host Rikki Rachtman called RoLB star Bret Michaels "a true icon in the world of Rock 'n Roll." Dude. Next, the kooky spiritual belly dancer chick also described the dignity-free rocker, concluding that Michaels is 'distracted by the physical world' before putting some shit on his forehead and urging him to find peace. The tone of good-intentioned but retarded sentiment was shattered when the angry chick ("SIX FIGURES") throttled hot-ass Kelsey. Then the horse-sized stripbot and her partner, a character from a John Waters movie, definitively resolved the origin of RoLB's Blonde-tourage. Then the vagina-shot girl, a Darkest Hour fan, said she's sober now. But most hilariously surreal is that again, Michaels chose as his Rock of Love Bus not the hot whiny chick with the yokel accent but the mindless centerfold with her fake-ass drama. It's all so unbelievable.
In other head-slappingly dumb news, stupid band Kiss is confirmed for Cisco Ottawa Bluesfest. Cuz we all enjoy the distinct bluesy feel of "Love Gun" and "Strutter." What, is Canada like the BizarroWorld now? Maybe they should change the name to Whitesfest.