YOU WIN THIS ROUND, DOLVING

It's always surprised me how little The Haunted interests me despite consisting of the best parts of At The Gates. Ah the mysteries of life. As a big fat blowhard, I do admire Haunted frontman Peter Dolving, who uses the internet to unburden himself of wackjob opinions and to engage in mindless bickering with comment jockeys. In other words, we lead the same life, except that he tours the world playing mediocre Slayercore and I tour Los Angeles County taking mediocre drugs. So we're all good. 

In an apparent search for cheap publicity, Dolving recently took some cheap shots at those dispicable bastards in Lamb Of God, charlatans that they undoubtedly are. Dolving states to no one in particular:

You could go out and see any of a number of bands in the next four weeks. The big one this time around out there being the Lamb Of God tour. Which will according to business-planned management crawl itself around the North Americas for the next year and a half or so like a big snake. 

You could dig that shit and think ‘Holy mutherfucking hell! That shit rocks!’ or you could go and see the Haunted once and for all prove what metal is all about. But only if you want to have a good time. Only if you want to feel alive. Only if you like that feeling of actually realizing everything is not fucked utterly and beyond belief. 

But I guess if you are a sad, self-pitying son of a bitch you won’t go. Oh what the hell, really, don’t go. Most of those who read this don’t really give a shit anyway do you? You’d rather stay in a saline filled tank fed intravenously with a constant intake of whatever, whoever carries the biggest gun and wad of dollars has to say wants to feed you.

Well my eyes have been opened. Pfft Lamb Of God. What a bunch of fucking scumbags. Totally corporate. And fuck us Metal people for willfully and blindly being on the receiving end of the greatest sham ever perpetrated on the American public. You read that right: Ever. All of us, enslaved by those greedy, gutless swine Lamb of God. It's that rotten Randy Blythe and his powers (above). I pity those whom Dolving is planning to dethrone next. How about mini-skirts. Or cookies. Those things have been ripping us off for years. Lamb of God out of Metal!