6.10.2009

DOUCHEBAGS DON'T SMILE



This week I went looking for a fight with MetalSucks don Axl Rosenberg in the most chickenshit way possible. But let's go back to "All My Heroes Have Failed Me" in Monday's MetalSucks
Eddie Van Halen - turned into a douchebag
David Lee Roth - turned into an even bigger douchebag
Axl Rose - turned into the biggest douchebag
Slash - whore
Izzy Stradlin - iTunes only
Joey Belladonna - dick
Eddie Ojeda - who?
Lars Ulrich - turned into a douchebag
James Hetfield - what the fuck, dude?
Whoa whoa whoa David Lee Roth is a lot of things: a dingbat, a flake, wingnut, doofus, stoner, lecher, selective amnesiac, hedonist, dancer, martial artist, motormouth. But does he wear tight tees with sparkly bone and wing designs? Has he ever endorsed a shoe or energy drink? I don't remember him getting a piercing or tribal tattoo. So after sputtering and harrumphing for a minute, I followed an ancient family tradition of conflict resolution: I emailed a guy Rosenberg and I both know, complaining about the misfired slur on DLR, which, honestly, shattered the boner brought on by last week's cuddlefest on Blabbermouth re: the DLR Band record's online availability. I was feeling shameful about my lame behind-the-back appeal to a guy whose collusion was guaranteed (if past deeds were indication). That's what we call foreshadowing cuz his reply shocked me to my very nads and I quote: "He IS kinda a douche." Son of a BITCH! People are always taking advantage of me!
 

4 comments:

JB Martell said...

Great site, first visit. I loved that list over at Metalsucks. David Lee Roth to me was never that special, I just never really got his appeal. I'm a big Hagar fan so it might spawn from that, but I watched a documentary where Hagar and Roth tried to tour together and Roth was a douchebag, I got 30 minutes in and was done with David Lee Roth forever.

Van Hammersly said...

I rarely post comments, but I will be DAMNED if my beloved David Lee Roth gets impugned without me rushing to his defense. The man is pure exuberance. Intensity in ten cities! Tenacity in ten ass cities! His good-time all-american beach dude is so over the top I think it might be trenchant satire. At any rate, I will always rally around someone who gets busted buying a nickelbag in Washington Square.

Anonymous said...

People who dislike David Lee Roth have a problem. It's sad.

malcolm said...

Yeah, Lay Off DLR or should that be Lay Off of DLR

At least DLR knows how to tell a story, his autobiography was laugh a minute

Eddie is way way higher on douchebag scale