This week I went looking for a fight with MetalSucks don Axl Rosenberg in the most chickenshit way possible. But let's go back to "All My Heroes Have Failed Me" in Monday's MetalSucks:
Eddie Van Halen - turned into a douchebagDavid Lee Roth - turned into an even bigger douchebagAxl Rose - turned into the biggest douchebagSlash - whoreIzzy Stradlin - iTunes onlyJoey Belladonna - dickEddie Ojeda - who?Lars Ulrich - turned into a douchebagJames Hetfield - what the fuck, dude?
Whoa whoa whoa David Lee Roth is a lot of things: a dingbat, a flake, wingnut, doofus, stoner, lecher, selective amnesiac, hedonist, dancer, martial artist, motormouth. But does he wear tight tees with sparkly bone and wing designs? Has he ever endorsed a shoe or energy drink? I don't remember him getting a piercing or tribal tattoo. So after sputtering and harrumphing for a minute, I followed an ancient family tradition of conflict resolution: I emailed a guy Rosenberg and I both know, complaining about the misfired slur on DLR, which, honestly, shattered the boner brought on by last week's cuddlefest on Blabbermouth re: the DLR Band record's online availability. I was feeling shameful about my lame behind-the-back appeal to a guy whose collusion was guaranteed (if past deeds were indication). That's what we call foreshadowing cuz his reply shocked me to my very nads and I quote: "He IS kinda a douche." Son of a BITCH! People are always taking advantage of me!