Yesterday, providence smiled on those needing to cloak a conspicuous boner when What Would Tyler Durden Do? followed a side-by-side of hot-ass Kristin from Laguna Beach 2 and Heather Graham (above, a little more than half-naked). I once spent an afternoon watching Graham's soft porn vehicle Killing Me Softly directed by snoresville Chen Kaige and it was HOT but what I learned today would've served me well that day at Tower Records in Shibuya and all the way back to the station: One way to counteract Graham's powers of erection is to replace images of her, probably the hottest unexotic All-American honky chick ever whose clothes even suggest nudity, with naked David Carradine crime scene pics. That's what went down on WWTDD and frankly I don't need sex and the most depressing image ever commingling. What am I Gacy over here? 

To cheer up, I went to the funniest thing ever no offense. No fuck it lotsa offense. If I were ever beheaded at the Tonys while some she-male belts out "People Who Need People" -- and I'm gunning for it -- I demand that everyone laugh cuz that shit is hilarious. And Bret's kinda good-natured about his wack hair, but is crying like a girl just cuz one lousy piece of scenery tried to decapitate him. Sounds like a wind-up to a lawsuit. Weirder, Dee Snider of Twisted Sister somehow was impelled to make a statement declaring his non-involvement with the incident. Wha? It's my custom to stick a quote here but I'm in a hurry to move on to Faith No More business so let's just leave it at Get a dick, Bret. And it don't get better than this! 

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