A fucking terrifying Lakers team dispatched the fantastic-until-Friday-night Denver Nuggets but just as awesome, the lovable, huggable Magic now have cockblocked both the Boston Celtics (assholes) and on Saturday, Lebron's Cavaliers. I basically threw my back out from trashing Lebron from my sofa this season, but now I also pity the guy. His game 6 body language was like David Spade in PCU: "Does anybody get what I'm doing here? Does ANYone follow me?" His teammates failed him, badly. And the people of Cleveland must be gutted to see the Cavs follow the NBA curse that dooms one-seeds to ignominious and premature playoff exits, a trend successfully eluded by the Celtics last year. But then again -- they deserve that shit, if for no other reason that they were hot-dogging jackasses all fucking year. So it's awesome that the Finals will feature none of that nor any crabass Garnett flexing his forehead vein. Thanks Orlando. Shall we celebrate with a tip of the cap to Orlando Metal? A capital idea! What's that? You say there isn't any? Well then how about David Lee Roth?!

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