Penetrating Metallica's 'Death Vagnetic'

Ok so those bastards at MetalSucks scooped us, but just consider HooM! a shrill, Fox News-esque toadie to MetalSucks' CNN. Reporting that the new Metallica album art is grotesquely vaginal is total No Duh news anyway. See how I softened the blow and indirectly accused MS of being obvious? Refer to Chapter 4 of Damage Control For Sore Losers

I'm a vocal proponent of the vagina's powers of attraction but am appalled at this irresponsible (and totally homo) depiction of the poonanny as death's hairy tractor beam. Is the band in league with this ill-groomed movie star, bent on ruining gash-pounding for everyone? A coffin-shaped hoo-ha? Time for more therapy, fey goats.

Yeah, and way to backpedal more, Sactallica, by embracing your former logo (not this, this, or this) and packing your abysmal concerts with songs from ...And Justice For All. All this criticizing is sapping my strength. 

1 comment:

Clive Shropshire said...

That cover is fucking HORRIFYING!

And I am learning French damnit. Just so I can say "Ludivine Sagnier" with more panache.